SPIRIT | SOUL| then BODY

In today’s world, when it comes to being, there is so much emphasis placed upon the outer appearance, that the essentials of soundness of being are lost in the mix.

What we are spiritually, and how we are emotionally, must be attended to MORE THAN, how we appear physically.

HOW YOU ARE IS MORE IMPORTANT THAN WHO YOU ARE, AND HOW YOU LOOK!

The truest self is SPIRIT. As such, that true self must be in touch with the Spirit that created it. Everything that is living must be nourished, this means that the spirit part of who we are must be fed in order to maintain spiritual health and vibrancy.

The perceived self is SOUL. As such, how we see ourselves and others must constantly be examined to see which emotional choices are most conducive to our goal of emotional health, and sense of well being.

The least of who we are is the BODY. The body is merely the earthly expression of our spirit selves. As such, the body is the slave of the emotions, and will depict whatever we think we are.

Endeavor to create a holistic focus on overall well being. It is not wise to place too much emphasis on the outer appearance, while suffering from the lack of identity and healthy sense of value and well being on the inside.

 

Dr. Mark T. Jones Sr.

Thinking holistically.

SPIRIT | SOUL| then BODY

Let It Go…

As a marriage and relationship coach and mentor, every week of every year I engage people who are at their wits end in their relationships. In most cases, the frustrated party makes contact with me in order to hear me say something that will encourage them to remain committed to the process of building a solid relationship.

Tension in relationship is the genesis of the creating healthy boundaries, and it fosters earnest dialogue which establishes the framework for meaningful relationship. I have discovered that, in any relationship in which there are no arguments, disagreements, nor tension, someone has been successfully oppressed.

But if the unbeliever leaves, let it be so. The brother or the sister is not bound in such circumstances; God has called us to live in peace.

Apostle Paul

In many cases, I find that I genuinely believe in people and in their relational potential more than they do, and in a strange kind of way, I think, this proclivity is perhaps by design, so that they will feel genuine hope, when they leave my counsel. However, there are rare circumstances in which, to not officially pronounce the relationship as dead, would be a miscarriage of relational justice to the party that foolishly thinks otherwise.

HOW TO KNOW FOR SURE THAT THE RELATIONSHIP IS DEAD:

  1. Love interest has been diverted elsewhere.
  2. Emotional abuse has become the norm.
  3. No interest in cultivating and improving.
  4. Hope has been exchanged for tolerance.
  5. Communication is heartless, empty and meaningless.
  6. Time is best spent elsewhere.
  7. Patience has been replaced with loathing.
  8. Impossible to agree on anything.
  9. Sex is completely undesired.
  10. Someone is living as if they are leaving.

Where there is the preponderance of the above behaviors observed in relationship, it’s more than likely, over.

Let it go.

Dr. Mark T. Jones Sr.

 

Let It Go…

Unrequited

|un•re•quit•ed
of a feeling, (especially love) not returned or rewarded

As a marriage mentor, I regularly encounter individuals who feel that they go “above and beyond,” in loving and engaging a partner, who seems aloof to the need to reciprocate the love, attention, and affection that is being bestowed upon them by their significant other.

“If I am for you, and you are for you, then who, in this relationship is for me?”

In marriage mentorship, I am often asked, “why should I continue to love and to support someone who does not offer me the same level of commitment?”

Inevitably, when asked these types of comparison based questions, I redirect the individual back to the drawing board of self assessment.

  • To what qualities in your spouse were you initially drawn at the beginning of your relationship with them?
  • Are those qualities still being demonstrated?
    (Invariably, nothing has changed, except what the plaintiff has chosen to focus upon)
  • If so, and you are no longer accepting of them (just as they are), then what redirected your focuses from those qualities to some deficiencies in them?

“The quality of our relationships improve, with the quality of questions that we ask of ourselves while engaging them.”

When love is unrequited, to love less is to be inauthentic. We were created to love and be loved. So, our only satisfactory recourse is to love deeply, from the heart, with the expectation that we will eventually, reap what we sow.

Dr. Mark T. Jones Sr.
Loving deeper

Unrequited

IS IT REALLY SUCCESS?

Is It Really Success?

Having traveled for many years to various parts of the world I have gained a much broader perspective as to what success, in life, really is. I am blessed with a number of extremely poor friends and partners, however, many of them have relationships to be envied because of the obvious value and depth of love and kindness contained therein. I am also blessed with extremely wealthy and famous friends who have no relationships of value per se. I have even had friends who have reached the pinnacle of their given fields, only to be removed from this life prematurely because of poor health conditions.

I FIRMLY BELIEVE THAT TRUE SUCCESS IS MORE HOLISTIC THAN FAME OR MATERIAL ACCOMPLISHMENT!

  • SPIRITUAL SUCCESS
    Where there is a design, there is always a designer. It is clear that the Creator designed each one of us differently, and on purpose. I believe that our differences are what give us the capacity to fulfill distinctive design. When our lives are spent accomplishing the intent of our designer, I would call that a success.
  • RELATIONAL SUCCESS
    To gain the world, then to have no one to share it with is futile. True success is not to be gained despite family and friends. In fact, I believe that it is family and friends that help us to maintain personal balance and keep us grounded as we rise.
  • PHYSICAL SUCCESS
    What good is money, if one is too sick or feeble to enjoy it. Solid healthy choices should accompany any ambition to accomplish good or gain in life.
  • MATERIAL SUCCESS
    It is impossible to help the poor, if you are one of them. While I do believe in material success, the greatest joy in life comes from giving to others, knowing that they can do nothing for us in return.

IN ALL OF YOUR SEEKING – PURSUE HOLISTIC SUCCESS

Dr. Mark T. Jones Sr.
Sincerely Seeking

IS IT REALLY SUCCESS?

Emotional Well Being In Relationships

Where would society be if there were no laws?

We all understand the necessity of having laws as a means of maintaining order. With nearly 8 billion people on this planet, it is difficult for me to understand why so many people will allow one individual to ruin and to devastate them emotionally. It is possible to engage relationships in a way that does not devastate oneself. In order to do so, I suggest that you develop your own or adopt these emotional laws as means of governing yourself while engaging others.

EMOTIONAL LAWS

  1.  As an emotional being, there are maintenance requirements that must not be neglected in order to maintain my emotional well being. I must understand those requirements, and not make any excuse for not performing that maintenance.  ( alone time, book reading, workouts, silent sorting, etc….)
  2. It is never someone else’s responsibility to make me happy.
  3. I have the right to interpret events in life in ways that favor me.
  4. I will only spend today’s emotional energy on today.
  5. Love and forgiveness are my only options, they are my freedom.
  6. I give no one authority to harass me with their opinions of me.
  7. I refuse to allow thoughts that could only destroy me to live in my head.
  8. No human has the right to control my emotions.
  9. I am not an emotional hoarder, therefore I choose to let stuff go.
  10. Passion is intense emotion aimed at something worthwhile, I will be passionate, and I refuse to be petty.

Where there are no laws, anarchy rules, so it is imperative to our own emotional sense of well being to have something governing our emotions as we engage others, and allow them access to our hearts.

 

Dr. Mark T. Jones Sr.

It is well, with my soul.

Emotional Well Being In Relationships

Loving Past What I Dislike

This year, my wife and I celebrated twenty four years of marriage and twenty seven years of dating. I am grateful to have shared more of my life married to this one woman than I have lived unmarried. So often, people ask me, “what is your secret for being happily married for so long”? To which, I often reply, “some of those years were not happy, they were commitment”.
Over the years, I have discovered one of the most amazing truths about love and marriage:

The truth that I cannot change another human being, nor do I need to change them in order to be happy with them.

Which means, if we are to forge loving, lasting relationships, we must learn to love past [beyond] the things that we dislike about our partners.
For your convenience I have extrapolated from my marriage some keys for loving your partner beyond what you do not like about them:
1. Be honest about how your feelings, but don’t use them to emotionally badger your partner. There is an amazing freedom in expressing your truth, and then leaving things alone.
2. Pray for greater strength to love beyond your limits. Some things are humanly impossible.
3. Don’t focus too deeply on what you dislike; focus instead on what you love about your spouse and the things that made you fall in love with them in the first place.
4. Avoid becoming negative and antagonistic about what you dislike, as this will plant emotional toxicity into the relationship, and will ruin your ability to be able to truly enjoy your partner.
5. Remember that no amount of complaining will change another person. A better choice is that of expressing gratitude for them. You always get more of what you are willing to celebrate.
6. Consider your own imperfections when dealing with your partner about theirs.
7. Practice seeing your partner as a new being each morning. This resets the relationship.
8. Expect the best, even when you sometimes see the opposite. Hope has a powerful way of bending life in your favor.

Lastly, understand that it is impossible to create perfection when working with imperfect pieces. Just because your relationship is not perfect, does not mean that it cannot be fulfilling. Practice giving yourself permission to thoroughly enjoy an imperfect relationship, with an imperfect person.
After all, that is what you are also.

Dr. Mark T. Jones Sr.
Happily married

Loving Past What I Dislike