As a marriage and relationship coach and mentor, every week of every year I engage people who are at their wits end in their relationships. In most cases, the frustrated party makes contact with me in order to hear me say something that will encourage them to remain committed to the process of building a solid relationship.
Tension in relationship is the genesis of the creating healthy boundaries, and it fosters earnest dialogue which establishes the framework for meaningful relationship. I have discovered that, in any relationship in which there are no arguments, disagreements, nor tension, someone has been successfully oppressed.
But if the unbeliever leaves, let it be so. The brother or the sister is not bound in such circumstances; God has called us to live in peace.
In many cases, I find that I genuinely believe in people and in their relational potential more than they do, and in a strange kind of way, I think, this proclivity is perhaps by design, so that they will feel genuine hope, when they leave my counsel. However, there are rare circumstances in which, to not officially pronounce the relationship as dead, would be a miscarriage of relational justice to the party that foolishly thinks otherwise.
HOW TO KNOW FOR SURE THAT THE RELATIONSHIP IS DEAD:
- Love interest has been diverted elsewhere.
- Emotional abuse has become the norm.
- No interest in cultivating and improving.
- Hope has been exchanged for tolerance.
- Communication is heartless, empty and meaningless.
- Time is best spent elsewhere.
- Patience has been replaced with loathing.
- Impossible to agree on anything.
- Sex is completely undesired.
- Someone is living as if they are leaving.
Where there is the preponderance of the above behaviors observed in relationship, it’s more than likely, over.
Let it go.
Dr. Mark T. Jones Sr.