of a feeling, (especially love) not returned or rewarded

As a marriage mentor, I regularly encounter individuals who feel that they go “above and beyond,” in loving and engaging a partner, who seems aloof to the need to reciprocate the love, attention, and affection that is being bestowed upon them by their significant other.

“If I am for you, and you are for you, then who, in this relationship is for me?”

In marriage mentorship, I am often asked, “why should I continue to love and to support someone who does not offer me the same level of commitment?”

Inevitably, when asked these types of comparison based questions, I redirect the individual back to the drawing board of self assessment.

  • To what qualities in your spouse were you initially drawn at the beginning of your relationship with them?
  • Are those qualities still being demonstrated?
    (Invariably, nothing has changed, except what the plaintiff has chosen to focus upon)
  • If so, and you are no longer accepting of them (just as they are), then what redirected your focuses from those qualities to some deficiencies in them?

“The quality of our relationships improve, with the quality of questions that we ask of ourselves while engaging them.”

When love is unrequited, to love less is to be inauthentic. We were created to love and be loved. So, our only satisfactory recourse is to love deeply, from the heart, with the expectation that we will eventually, reap what we sow.

Dr. Mark T. Jones Sr.
Loving deeper


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